Can't Live With 'em Can't Kill 'em 1996

My quest for answers on the topic of love and attraction began in1996.  When I checked out the public access video equipment and took my inquiry to the Portland, Oregon waterfront. Where I posed the same question to each stranger who agreed to be put on camera responding to my question. In order to, capture their true and honest response I waited to pose the question until the camera was rolling. I would ask each man to finish this sentence “I hate it when women….” When we were filming a woman I would naturally ask her to finish the same question substituting the word “women” with “men.” Once we had compiled a sufficient sample of opinions my girlfriend, Marilyn and I went back to my home to discuss the matter in front of the camera on my upstairs deck overlooking suburban Beaverton, Oregon. 

To break things up I edited together segments of opinions with segments of our conversation about men as you can see from this five-minute video excerpt:

It All Started with Adam & Eve

Genesis 2:20-2:23 “... but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;” “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” 

The Bible teaches that God created man, then took one of his ribs to create woman as his helpmate. The Almighty understood the importance of the relationship between each individual man and woman, which is precisely why this issue consumes so much of our lives. God’s plan was to allow them to live together in harmony. Unfortunately, as we know the serpent tempted Eve to dine on the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and as a consequence to this original sin both men and women have been suffering under conflicting guidelines ever since.

From the beginning, when Adam and Eve were run out of Eden for disobeying God, our genders roles were genetically engineered to fulfill their preordained roles. To understand our gender roles we must first accept that we women are indeed hardwired differently than our male counterparts. Men are motivated to join with a woman to procreate our species. This drive directs men to find the most appealing woman to bear his children. Likewise the woman is driven to survive and procreate with the best provider to care for her children. This was a brilliant plan because if a woman’s sex drive was as strong as her mate’s then not much work would ever get completed, potentially resulting in the demise of our species.

How to Seduce Your Wife

Should I Say "I do" to You?

So the love of your life proposes to you, so now that is it. That is it, really that's it? Suddenly your heart turns from the joyous fanciful vision of the two of you riding off into the sunset to love, honor and respect one another until the day you die, to enduring the demon doubt attacks on your gut. Holly smokes, the great "what ifs" bubble up from your nervous stomach, to beg the question "should I really say "I do" FOREVER to this person for the REST of my LIFE! Panic builds as your new fiance begins joyously spreading the fearful news to their relatives and your friends. But your skin is now hot to the touch as bile works its way up your gullet. The awful realization that you are indeed enduring a true panic attack chocking off your ability to speak as it smothers you with anxiety. 

Sad to say, but that is exactly what I felt like when my X popped the big question almost 27 years ago. Despite these not so subtle physical signs that I was making a BIG mistake, I did say "yes" when he proposed. Therefore, I dutifully followed through with my "I do" when I was desperate to scream "I DON'T!" 

How do we know when we really, truly have found that one person with whom we would most joyously wish to share our lives? 

Ask Yourself Do I...

• share similar spiritual beliefs with my fiance?
• feel better about myself when I am with my fiance?
• love and respect my fiance as a friend first?
• want to make my fiance happy?
• find joy when I am with my fiance?
• feel called to care for my fiance's needs both spiritual and physical?

The Pitfalls of Living Together Outside the Confines of Holly Matrimony

Who should make the first move?

Laws of Attraction with Lisa and Frank Zagunis

How to seduce your husband?

True Love vs True Lust

Over the years since I first set off on this journey of discovery, I have unabashedly inquired of couples as to the circumstances of their courtship. Specifically how did they meet each other in the first place? How soon after meeting each other did they engage in an intimate physical relationship? I learned that when a couple met as friends and only months or sometimes years later became involved in an intimate relationship, they appeared to me to be far happier than those who met initially with the expressed purpose of dating one another. 

Therefore, I have concluded that like with most aspects of our lives the old ways are the best ways. 

In order to find true love, you need to wait to get to know the person as just a person without clouding your judgement with lust. As we know once the lust wears off in a few months we all begin to examine the true nature of our attraction towards our new mate to determine if it's really true love or simply true lust. 

How to Get Lucky with Your Wife?

When the sizzle has gone out of your relationship as it almost inevitably does, you need to inject vitality through spontaneity and random acts of thoughtfulness.

Husbands:

If you would like to encourage more affection in the bedroom then you need to seduce her just as you did in the beginning. When you first became enamored with your wife you were doubtless very attentive, your objective was to capture her attention, respect and love. 

Suggestions:

• change cologne or begin wearing it again
• do one of her chores for her 
• plan a weekend getaway 
• design a date night around her interests not yours
• pamper night including a joint bathing experience & candles
• compliment her appearance and use her name
• be extra helpful with the kids and housekeeping
• flirt with her make suggestive yet subtle comments as a warm up for bedroom activity

Wives:

You need to show your appreciation for all that your husband does including thanking him for little chores he regularly does for you. Invite him to make decisions about what activities you share. Compliment him using his name and allow him to take the lead.

Suggestions:

• let him suggest what you order for dinner and allow him to order for you
• make reservations at his favorite restaurant  
• flirt with him teasing him with suggestive comments 
• appreciate his effort and hint about the potential for getting lucky that night
• have his favorite meals on the table ready when he returns from work
• plan a romantic night with variety
• be mysterious keep him guessing about what you may do next
• speak in a low voice looking directly into his eyes
• outside of the bedroom keep it light and funny

History of Love Chat with Lisa

Mating Habits in the Digital Age

The Man Rules

Portland Perspectives- Gender Role Confusion & Keeping the Joy

Why do Men Lie to Women?

High School Guys on Love Chat

The Love Chat Show with Lisa Michaels

What do we find most attractive?